These feelings aren't new and certainly aren't positive. But they are how the past month has been going in my walk.
There are many things that happened in my past that I know God has forgiven me for, but I simply can't forgive myself for them. That leads to me into a cycle of being angry at myself, mild depression, and then recovery knowing that I'm forgiven. And again. And again.
It sucks. Feeling unworthy sucks. Feeling inadequate sucks. For me, it's not feeling like I am worth enough to have the friends I have, be at the school I'm at, or have the loving God I have. Yet this is the Gospel! That I'm not good enough and I NEED a Savior to restore that broken relationship.
I share the Gospel relatively often, but it seems that I'm the one that needs to be reminded of it the most!
God loves me. The relationship is broken. Only Christ can restore it. I am forgiven. So why can't I accept that?
One of the members of my Passion family group told me this quote by C.S. Lewis, "If God forgives us we must forgive ourselves otherwise its like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him." Said another way, if we don't forgive ourselves, we are saying we are higher than God.
I most certainly don't want that to be true!
So I'm stuck in a rut again. Where I love God, I believe His promises and His forgiveness, but I struggle at letting things go.
1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
No comments:
Post a Comment